Removing the Stress of New Year Resolutions

Though I now mark my new year according to the Jewish calendar, I find pleasure in the planned observance of a new time cycle, like the traditional New Year's Day on January first. The worldwide attention given to reflecting on the past and planning for the future could never get enough attention, at least in my opinion. (Except maybe in the media, as they seem to rehash everything ad nauseam.)

During Rosh Hashanah (Yom Teruah), the Jewish new year, time is given to personal reflection, thanksgiving, and considerations for teshuvah, or turning from sin.  To be transparent, I have a few that I consider monumental, life-long struggles: doubt, impatience, and pride. Aren't we all works-in-progress? 

But for the Gregorian new year, January 1, 2021, I found myself considering the burden felt by so many fellow humans to make more of a new year than they should. We all know the pressure of trying to put all the change into one day. It's incredibly stressful, and usually, unrealistic.

We want things to be different this year and when we awake to the same job, the same rebellious children, the same waistline, and unhealthy food in our frig, we get maniac about changing it. We will starve ourselves, out-budget ourselves, anything to try and make the new year different. 

Unfortunately, we grossly overestimate our abilities, or worse, set the most unreasonable and unrealistic expectations, often violating the boundaries established by common sense.  Ugh! Yet, another failure. 

Take a long breath. Close your eyes, and repeat 5 times.

You are still alive, and though nothing has changed, you still exist and can choose to consider the following hard-earned advice which may help you wrap your head around the possibilities of the new year.

1. What really do you want to change? Stick to one or two goals at most. If it is a categorical "biggie", stick to just one. Success depends a lot on focus. If you pick too many goals, you will sabotage all. Put your energies where you really want to see the change. 
   
   
2. Now, back up and consider your goal: Do you really have control of this goal and its' results? If your goal involves more than just you, it's critical to define what you can control, and second, determine what success looks like relative to what you can control. For example, "I want my husband to stop ___." You can't change anyone but yourself, and that's hard enough. 
   
   
3. Third, consider deeply the long-range impacts of what you are trying to achieve. Sometimes we want to change a behavior but what we really need to change is a mindset or attitude. It's an ugly truth, but I only know it because I've tried it. 
   
   
4. Examine how your present reality (responsibilities, finances, constraints) will impact your resolution efforts. Be mindful of the true cost of your changes and plan accordingly. Is the morning workout the only time you can go? Cool. But you're not a morning person. Dang. Success demands you prepare for the extra challenges that come along for the resolution ride. Find a partner to be accountable to, set three alarms instead of one, have coffee set on a timer for a caffeine jolt before you head out, etc. 
   
   
5. Claim the day, not the year. Set your goal for one day or week, or for 30 days rather than "the rest of my life." Addicts and other wise humans whisper the mantra, "One day at a time". It works and it takes the pressure off. 
   
   
6. Recognize your success and share it with others who will encourage and celebrate you. Change isn't easy and it's a big deal. We are not robots, despite the not-so-subtle messages that assail us every day. Fight back with some introspection and mindfulness, and guard that beautiful mind of yours. We need you!

Happy New Year!