A 'God Chance'
My son just turned 18, and my daughter will be 16 soon, making these past weeks a time of deep reflection and tears. Remembering the past serves us well. It's important to consider our journey, the challenges and victories, the joys and tears. I loathe the pre-pandemic pace of life that left little time for reflection, celebration, repentance, realignment, or gratitude.
She was her harshest critic.
She hated her failures and couldn't forgive herself.
I cried for all the efforts she thought didn't matter and weren't good enough. I sobbed that she wasn't able to fully experience every amazing moment because of her preoccupation with being perfect, with being enough. She loved her life. She loved her family. They gave her so much purpose and meaning. She didn't really need to matter so much, as long as they flourished. And as long as they knew their Creator, knew that their lives had meaning and purpose and beauty.
So what now?
Now I am the student, the one who needs to be taught that my life has meaning and purpose and beauty outside of the calling that has defined my life for the last 18 years.
I am enough.
I am salt and light.
My thoughts, actions, and words matter profoundly. As long as I am breathing, I chose to contribute beauty, love, and life to the people and world around me. I do so by honoring and protecting the uniqueness of me — my beliefs, passions, and gifts — from the relentless cultural, hypocritical wolves who would conform or silence me.
Rabbi David Levine of Beth Israel Messianic Synagogue in Jacksonville, FL recently commented, "Part of our response to God is to expect good from the LORD, to expect that God is going to do things that are personally important to us". Though I've assented to this belief intellectually all my life, the words slammed into my heart — "...personally important to us." That meant I had to be honest about what is personal to me, to address the longings of my heart and hands, and the feelings and reality that, at present, these things are out of reach. But God...
"There's a god chance."
This was a typo a friend sent me this morning. It made me smile. There's always a 'god chance' that He will do things that are personally important to me. I do believe. And I will act in faith and expectation of the coming reality of His loving expression towards me.
Be a blessing.
The unexamined life is not worth living. — SocratesAs I organized our photos last night, I looked at myself without a filter of condemnation or judgment. I don't know how this happened, but the tenderness I felt for myself unraveled me. I sobbed for Hanna, for all the lies she believed for so long, and still battles today.
Truth - she is a good mom and wifeTruth - she tirelessly provides love, compassion, forgiveness and really good foodTruth - she has a HUGE heart, for everyoneTruth - she doesn't love herself as she shouldTruth - she believed she was not enough - intellect, looks, efforts, love - not enough
She was her harshest critic.
She hated her failures and couldn't forgive herself.
I cried for all the efforts she thought didn't matter and weren't good enough. I sobbed that she wasn't able to fully experience every amazing moment because of her preoccupation with being perfect, with being enough. She loved her life. She loved her family. They gave her so much purpose and meaning. She didn't really need to matter so much, as long as they flourished. And as long as they knew their Creator, knew that their lives had meaning and purpose and beauty.
So what now?
Now I am the student, the one who needs to be taught that my life has meaning and purpose and beauty outside of the calling that has defined my life for the last 18 years.
I am enough.
I am salt and light.
My thoughts, actions, and words matter profoundly. As long as I am breathing, I chose to contribute beauty, love, and life to the people and world around me. I do so by honoring and protecting the uniqueness of me — my beliefs, passions, and gifts — from the relentless cultural, hypocritical wolves who would conform or silence me.
Rabbi David Levine of Beth Israel Messianic Synagogue in Jacksonville, FL recently commented, "Part of our response to God is to expect good from the LORD, to expect that God is going to do things that are personally important to us". Though I've assented to this belief intellectually all my life, the words slammed into my heart — "...personally important to us." That meant I had to be honest about what is personal to me, to address the longings of my heart and hands, and the feelings and reality that, at present, these things are out of reach. But God...
"There's a god chance."
This was a typo a friend sent me this morning. It made me smile. There's always a 'god chance' that He will do things that are personally important to me. I do believe. And I will act in faith and expectation of the coming reality of His loving expression towards me.
Be a blessing.
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