Trust

This last week has been an ongoing conversation and meditation about trust.

I don’t want to belabor the different and trust and faith. I’ve always worked towards more faith but at a certain point, it’s moot if I don’t trust.

And in order to trust, I need to listen. And to listen, I need to be still, observe, remember (Psalm 46:10). 

This trip is all about trust. Going to Montana, executing the technical aspects of this hike, and listening for God. The pressures of work, the struggles of parenting, and my own unrealistic expectations of myself and life scream daily. It’s too much. I can’t hear past my expectations and the expectations of others. These have come to define my “life”, in reality, my priorities.  And maybe that’s God’s will for me. But I have this pebble in my boot that tells me I need to pause and re-examine the grind for where trust may be trying to speak to me.

People my age, now 50, really start to get careful - about finances, job security, hair color! There’s a great song by John Prine called Safey Joe. Cracks me up but scares me too. As I move into the next decades, I physically crave a life of trust whatever the cost, rather than die safe in my bed without having God showing me His crazy power and love.

Trust means I let go and let God. Let go of control (yeah, the Bob Marshall Wilderness for 8 days). My latest tattoo is two Hebrew words, al tirah - don’t be afraid - and  kadima - forward/charge. 

Faith isn’t the issue. Trust is where I love God, acting on what He says. And this time, it’s gonna take going to the wilderness to hear God’s dreams and my heart. 

I’m scared and I already know it’s gonna be physically demanding and emotionally crushing, but the alternative, a slow death to hope and faith, cannot compare. God’s with me and I know, in the Bob, there’s some answers and direction.